Confidence & Sexual Healing
Pleasure as Self-Care: More Than a Luxury, It’s Medicine
Not long ago, I thought “self-care” meant a hot bath and some lavender lotion. And while those are lovely things, they barely scratched the surface of what I truly needed: a way to feel connected to myself again—my body, my breath, my joy.
The truth is, pleasure is not a luxury for women like us. It’s medicine. Especially after 50, when our lives become quieter, more spacious… and sometimes lonelier. Discovering pleasure—sensual, solo, intentional—became one of the most healing experiences of my life.
What Self-Care Really Means
Self-care is not just bubble baths and skincare routines. It’s about meeting your needs. Sometimes those needs are rest, nourishment, or boundaries. And sometimes, they’re touch, intimacy, and release.
For years, I met everyone else’s needs: my husband, my children, my job. Somewhere along the way, I lost the habit of asking myself, What feels good to me?
When I finally started asking that question—and giving myself permission to explore the answer—I began to understand that pleasure wasn’t indulgent. It was essential.
The Science of Sensual Healing
Pleasure isn’t just about orgasm. It’s about what happens before and after: the oxytocin, the endorphins, the drop in cortisol, the sense of safety that floods your nervous system when you allow your body to feel joy without guilt.
In fact, research suggests that sexual pleasure, even when experienced alone, contributes to:
Improved sleep quality
Reduced anxiety and depression
Stronger immune function
Better circulation and pelvic health
Enhanced self-esteem and body confidence
Here’s an excellent article from Cleveland Clinic that discusses how regular self-pleasure improves health and stress levels.
We’ve been taught to treat pleasure as something you earn. I’ve learned to treat it as something I deserve.
My Self-Care Routine Now Includes a Vibrator—and I’m Not Ashamed
A few times a week, I take time just for me. I put my phone on silent, pour myself tea, and dim the lights. Sometimes I use a vibrator. Sometimes just my hands and breath. Sometimes I just lay quietly with my eyes closed, exploring sensation without any pressure to “finish.”
What matters most is the mindset: this time is for me.
Here’s what I include in my personal pleasure ritual:
A warm shower or bath to ease into relaxation
Unscented body oil or lotion to reconnect through touch
A quiet, beginner-friendly vibrator—like the Copper Cutie or a mini wand
Lubricant (because dryness shouldn’t stop delight)
A journal nearby to write down how I feel after
Even 20 minutes can reset my whole day. I feel grounded, alive, and cared for—in a way no one else could give me.
It’s Not About Being Sexy—It’s About Feeling Alive
This isn’t about being sexy for someone else. It’s not about preparing for a partner or chasing a fantasy.
It’s about whispering to yourself:
You’re still here. You still matter. You still deserve to feel good in your own skin.
Self-pleasure helped me reclaim parts of myself that had gone quiet over the years. It wasn’t loud or dramatic—it was subtle and profound. My skin felt softer. My smile lingered longer. I laughed more easily.
And perhaps most importantly, I forgave myself for waiting so long.
Common Fears (and Loving Truths)
I’ve had friends my age say things like:
“What if it’s too late?”
“What if I feel silly or ashamed?”
“What if my body doesn’t respond?”
Let me respond, from one woman to another:
It’s never too late to love yourself.
It’s okay to feel nervous. Start small, stay gentle.
Your body will respond, especially when you stop judging it and start listening.
You do not need to be young, partnered, or “in the mood” all the time. You only need to be willing to explore.
If You’re Ready to Begin
You don’t need to wait for a special occasion. Start with something simple. LuvPleasure has a beautiful collection of toys that are beginner-friendly and wellness-focused, such as:
Slim bullet vibes with low vibration settings
Clitoral stimulators with quiet motors and ergonomic shapes
Pelvic trainers and Kegel tools that combine health with sensuality
Water-based lubricants that protect and soothe delicate skin
You can begin in privacy, without fanfare. Just you, your breath, and your curiosity.
The Takeaway
Sensual self-care is not selfish. It’s not shameful. It’s not only for the young.
It’s powerful. It’s healing. And it’s yours to claim.
Let’s rewrite the narrative—together. Let’s normalize older women enjoying their bodies, honoring their needs, and finding joy without apology.
Because darling, pleasure isn’t a reward.
It’s your birthright.
With tenderness,
Vivienne